


And His Name Was **** ****

by Floatinglonewanderer



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Butts, Crack, Feels, Fluff, Hanzo's butt, Happy Halloween!, It was supposed to be crack, M/M, Mentions of Sex, No Beta, The butt was intended though, This did not go the way I intended, Vampire AU, Vampire Turning, or at least, we die like men!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:26:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Floatinglonewanderer/pseuds/Floatinglonewanderer
Summary: Hanzo was not a born Vampire, yet there is no vampire bite to be found on his neck.How the fuck did that happen? McCree will find out. Hanzo loves him, so there's no way he won't tell him.Right?Btw this is 95% dialogue because I'm already spending too much energy trying to flesh out a chapter that has been in the workshop since MARCH! But it's mostly coherent, I assure you!





	And His Name Was **** ****

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Disuno](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disuno/gifts).



> I'm not dead! Just stressed and writer's block is really trying to kick my ass. Luckily I'm tired as fuck, so this came out as a "Thanks to those who continue to wait for chapter 2 of You Lead, I'll Follow" gift in time for Halloween.
> 
> My friend Disuno inspired this greatly.

Jesse was in the rec room when a thought came to mind. Hanzo is not a natural born vampire, but the were no vampire bite marks to be seen on Hanzo's neck. Hanzo walks by the room and Jesse seizes the opportunity to ask.“Hey Hanzo? How'd you turn into a vampire?” 

Hanzo ignores the question and promptly leaves the room. 

“Damn…” 

Jesse’s in the Mess Hall with Tracer, Genji and Brigitte 

“Hanzo! Hey!” 

“We were just wondering how you got turned into a vampire. Mind telling us?” 

“Yes.” 

“Ah...” 

“That was cold.” 

“You think we might be offending him?” 

“No, my brother is just being stubborn. He will come around.” 

“I hope you're right, Genji.” 

Game night. Truth or Dare 

“Truth!” 

“You poor innocent fool!” 

“Hey!” 

“Lena, is it true that you secretly like punk rock?” 

“What! How did you know?” 

“I saw your pictures with Zarya at a punk rock concert. On your social media.” 

“Ahhh… er… Ahem! Er...” 

“Aw, look what you did Genji!” 

“What?” 

“You got our resident chatter box all flustered and shit! Was it worth it? 

“Like you have any room to talk, McCree! Remember when we played this with Reyes and Commander Morrison? 

“We don’t talk about that day, Genji.” 

“I’m just gonna spin the bottle now.” 

“Nah wait, let’s see if we can get Hanzo to join us!” 

“Oooh, that sounds like fun!” 

“Hey Hanzo!” 

“Hm?” 

“Wanna join us for a game?” 

“… Should I be worried?” 

“It’s truth or dare.” 

“Then no.” 

“Aww!” 

“Don’t be like that, darlin'! Come and sit for a spell! Have some fun!” 

“Truth or dare is never fun.” 

“You are just mad because whenever you played with me I when we were younger you humiliated yourself everytime.” 

“Is that not the point of the game?” 

“And you never were able to humiliate me back.” 

“That would make someone salty, that’s for sure.” 

“Yeah, it would.” 

“How about this. I You join us for a couple rounds and then you can go alright?” 

“… Fine.” 

“Wow, really?” 

“Do you want me to leave?” 

Brigitte, who had been eating cake like a movie audience eating popcorn at a theater, was quick to take the opportunity to get the grumpy archer to join the game and loosen up for once. 

“No no, come sit down and play for a bit!” 

“Very well.” 

Couple rounds later, McCree spins and it lands on Hanzo. 

“Truth or dare, sweet pea?” 

“Truth. And never call me that again in public.” 

“Can do. Alrighty then. How did you become a vampire?” 

“I was bitten, like any other turned vampire.” 

“But how?” 

“…Unconventionally.” 

“Ooooh, mysterious!” 

“Shut up, Genji!'” 

“Make me.” 

McCree and Hanzo’s Bedroom 

“Why do you want to know how I became what I am so badly?” 

“Call it curiosity.” 

“Oh?” 

“Yes, Hanzo. I am very curious about how you turned and why you are so weird about it.” 

“Who would believe me if I said that I turned because a vampire merc bit me in the ass?” 

“… What?” 

“Precisely my point.” 

“Hold on darlin', I’m just in shock. You’re bite is on your ass?” 

“Indeed.” 

“Can I see?” 

“Of course.” 

“Wow.” 

“What.” 

“I didn’t even expect you to say yes. You always hide it, but I guess I know why now. It’s still kinda weird.” 

“Hmmm.” 

“Oh wow.” 

“Mm.” 

“Don’t be embarrassed, Hanzo. It’s just me and you know I won’t laugh.” 

“…” 

“Much.” 

“Hmm.” 

“To be honest, it looks like you got beauty marks on ya. I like it.” 

“You are not serious?” 

“As serious as a heart attack.” 

“Ridiculous man.” 

“I’m your ridiculous man.” 

“Mmmmm…. (^v^)” 

“So…?” 

“What is it now?” 

“How exactly did a vampire mercenary turn you by biting your wonderfully round buttocks?” 

“No bed for you!” 

“Han, baby! Don’t be like that! Don’t shove me off! No honey, noooooo!” 

Three Nights Later 

“I was drunk.” 

“Huh?” 

“I was drunk when it happened?” 

“Oh yeah? What brought this on?” 

“I thought you wanted to know.” 

“I did. But then, when I actually asked, I was swiftly introduced to the icy floor below. Mr. Tile said 'hi', by the way.” 

“I feel like telling you now. I do apologize for shoving you off the bed.” 

“You ain’t sorry.” 

“No.” 

“Aw, I knew it. You’re a cruel, cruel man Shimada.” 

“I aim to please. Now let me tell you how it happened.” 

“I’m all ears, honey.” 

“I was drunk at a bar in Scotland-” 

“Oh god, how are you alive?” 

“Jesse!” 

“Just sayin'.” 

“I was in Scotland!” 

“I hear ya, pumpkin! 

“Good. I was in a bar in Scotland. I was just leaving when I was approached by a man in all black clothing. He was Australian. Tall and handsome in a way not dissimilar to Chris Hemsworth with blond hair to the small of his back. I, being inebriated, wanted nothing more than to sink into his arms and stay there.” 

“I can’t blame ya, Han. If I was drunk off my ass and ran into Chris Hemsworth I'd fall into his arms in an instant!” 

“Ha! Well I’m delighted to tell you that I said as much-“ 

“You did?!” 

“And he said yes.” 

“If it weren’t for the fact that everything about that situation is funky as hell I’d been envious!” 

“Towards whom?” 

“Both of ya. One, because Chris Hemsworth-” 

“Of course.” 

“And two, because you’re my huckleberry and I love you to the ends of the Earth.” 

“Jesse…” 

“I don’t wanna lose you babe. You’re what keeps me steady. You fill me with happiness that I never felt before with anyone else.” 

“It is… the same for me, Jesse. You… you make me feel whole.” 

Hanzo was struggling with his words and maintaining his composure. It was impossible. McCree knew this and gave his lover the most tender kiss since they had confessed their mutual affection for each other on the cliffs of Gibraltar's base. 

“I gotcha, darlin'. I gotcha.” 

“Mmmmm…” 

“…” 

“…..” 

“Darlin’?” 

“Yes?” 

“How’s the rest of the story go?” 

“Oh yeah. I was at Chris Hemsworth's long lost twin, was I not?” 

“You were indeed.” 

“Very well. He took me to his hotel room. I remember it was very nice. I remember enjoying the windows very much.” 

“Wait wait, can vampires get drunk?” 

“We can at a much slower pace than the average human.” 

“I feel like he did you dirty, Han.” 

“Not before I got him as drunk as I was. Apparently, saké is like Vodka to vampires.” 

“Oh wow. So you got this Chris Hemsworth lookin' vampire mercenary to take you to his hotel room- which was his first mistake-, allowed you to get him drunker than a skunk -his second, huge ass mistake-, and y'all had sex?” 

“We did.” 

“Was it good?” 

“Very. And, it may have been what saved my life.” 

“Did he fall in love with you?” 

“We ended up dating for 7 months. He confessed that he originally intended to lure me out of the bar and drain me in an alleyway for a bounty, but something changed when he saw me. We traveled together, taking on hits together. We were happy for a while, until my famliy’s assassins finally found me.” 

McCree’s smile dropped and his heart dropped to his stomach. 

“What happened, honey bear?” 

“I broke up with him after they attacked after tailing us for weeks. It was… a hard break up. I had grown too fond of him. I regret to this day that we broke up in anger.” 

“Shit…” 

“I was bitten after we had broken up. Three months after we had gone our separate ways I was finally caught by one of the clan's assassins. I believed myself to be dead until my ex attempted to rescue me.” 

“Attempted?” 

“He fought the assassin off, but not before I had been gravely injured. I would have welcomed death had it not been for…” 

“Had it not been for what?” 

“Had it not been for the assassin gaining an advantage over him and knocked him down.” 

“But wait, how did you get bit if he didn’t rescue you?” 

“This is where it gets ridiculous, Jesse.” 

“Try me.” 

“As you wish.” 

Hanzo shifted in his seat, expression torn between embarrassment and exasperated fondness. 

“He fell face first into my ass. I was wearing only sweat pants.” 

“… Oh… my... Sweet baby Jesus.” 

McCree didn’t know whether or not he should laugh or cry. He looked like he was trying to imitate a crying snapper turtle instead. Determined to finish the story without another break because he knew that if he stopped now, the dramatic tone of the story would be ruined and he would never have the courage to mention it again. Stop laughing Jesse. You’re breaking his resolve! 

“He rose to his feet and killed the assassin without mercy when he realized he fell on me. He begged me to stay alive while I bled out in his arms. Then, when my vision grew dark, I felt his blood drip into my mouth. It turned out that he split the skin of his wrist and fed me his blood before I faded away completely.” 

“Oh…” 

“In my weakness I couldn’t refuse his blood. In the end, I survived the attack and my ex helped me adapt to the life of a vampire. We never got back together, but when we separated for the second time, it was on better terms.” 

McCree took Hanzo into his arms and held him close. It made Hanzo feel warm, safe and most of all, loved. 

“I am so glad you’re okay, darlin. My sunshine. My sugar bear. Light of my life. I’m so glad you’re okay now.” 

“… I am as well, my love. I am as well.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this crack with feels!


End file.
